He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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