he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You ate ashes out of my bong
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
