Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
