we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
