I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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