DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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