She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
