Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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