there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize