So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
