he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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