He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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