fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
