In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
