I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
