girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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