I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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