shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My liver just broke up with me...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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