but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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