what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
where am i from again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
