It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
