when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You made out with two different species that night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
