Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize