i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
