I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
