I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
