and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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