3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize