my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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