I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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