I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
