I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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