so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Randomize
