Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
