how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
