Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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