All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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