I just made out with a guy for $7.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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