at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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