He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize