Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You may now shotgun with the bride
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
