My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I need a burrito and a hug.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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