either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
