hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
