Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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