Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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