After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was confusing and full of hummus
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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