Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
