Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
