Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I love you. Go after that dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
