Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
