so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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