I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
