Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
