he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
