That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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