I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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