Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
