Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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