i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
