Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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