My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
