i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
