Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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