when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
