lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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