I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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