I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
